My Name is Nell Read online

  His partner’s tone mellowed. “I don’t mean to rush you. I know you need time. It’s just—”

  “When I’m ready, buddy, I’ll let you know.”

  “What are your plans for the moment?”

  Brady studied the cover of the local phone book, bearing a picture of a flowering pink dogwood. “It’s nice here. I may stick around a while.”

  “In Arkansas?”

  “Don’t knock it till you’ve seen it. Natural beauty, low cost of living, friendly people. A guy could do a whole lot worse.” Best of all, it was a radical change from the merry-go-round California lifestyle.

  He really should feel guilty about the company, but, ironically, that was the one thing about which he had no guilt. It would survive.

  He wasn’t so sure about himself. Two or three times a week he woke from a dead sleep drenched in sweat, the odor of diesel fuel clogging his nostrils, his heartbeat in the danger zone—and two names echoing in his consciousness.

  His friends had recommended all kinds of therapists and treatments—a regular LaLa Land smorgasbord of palliatives.

  Screw that. He’d find his own way. Picking up his billfold and keys, he headed for the door. Today was a day for exploring the area—and stopping by the library. He allowed himself a brief smile of anticipation. Maybe Ms. Porter could help him research area B-and-B’s, particularly those along the White River.

  NELL PARKED HER CAR near the square and hit her early-morning meeting at the church before heading on to work. The sun had already burned off the dew, and the temperature reading on the bank stood at eighty-five degrees and it wasn’t even ten. Another scorcher. The cool of the library would be welcome.

  After exchanging greetings with Reggie and the rest of the staff, she had just enough time to circle the chairs in the children’s area before the toddlers and their mothers began arriving for story-time. As usual Rodney Fraim’s mother could hardly control him. At every chance, he slipped out of her arms and began playing peekaboo from behind the stacks. Most of the rest, however, sat on the carpet, legs crossed, only occasionally fidgeting. Today’s book was Katharine Holabird’s Alexander and the Dragon. Halfway through the story, Nell noticed a tall, dark-haired man quietly observing the children. He looked harmless enough, but you could never be too careful. He pulled out a chair and sat at a table where he continued watching them. He seemed more pensive than menacing, an amused smile softening his strong features when one of the youngsters reacted with laughter to the idea of having a dragon under the bed.

  As Nell continued reading and displaying the illustrations, she became uncomfortably aware that the man seemed to be studying her rather than the children. Did she know him? Fighting a breathless sensation, she approached the end of the story where Alexander realizes he’s no longer afraid of shadows—or of his friend the dragon.

  A shiver passed through Nell when the man mouthed the lines with her. Why was his expression so sad? Before she could ponder his sudden change, he stood and wandered toward the fiction section.

  She shook her head to clear her mind. She must’ve imagined that fleeting moment of connection with him. She refocused on the boys and girls and completed the story. As she’d anticipated, it gave rise to a lively discussion of what and who lived in the bedrooms of her tiny listeners.

  After helping all the children select and check out their take-home books, she straightened the area and turned toward her office. The good-looking man sat in one of the easy chairs near the main desk, an open book in his lap. But his dark brown eyes followed her. Enough of this. She was uncomfortable with his attention, even though a frisson of something like pleasure took her by surprise.

  She crossed to him. “Excuse me, sir, but do I know you?”

  He closed his book—which she couldn’t help noticing was a Grisham legal thriller—and raised his eyes, a slow smile creating a devilish dimple in his left cheek. “No. I’m Brady Logan.” With athletic grace, he rose to his feet and now looked down on her. “I was at the forum last night, so, in a manner of speaking, I know you. Nell Porter, right?”

  She clasped her cold hands in front of her. “Yes.” She scrambled for words. “Did you enjoy it?”

  His eyes narrowed. “Discussion of conflict and violence is more painful than enjoyable.” He paused before going on. “I vastly preferred this morning’s activities.”

  “You’re obviously familiar with Alexander and the Dragon.”

  She detected a momentary steeling of his features. He offered no explanation but simply said, “Yes.”

  She couldn’t seem to tear herself away, but there was little more to be said. Steering from the personal, she grasped for the professional. “Is there something I can help you with?”

  “As a matter of fact, yes. I’m new to the area and am interested in doing some fly-fishing, maybe locating a nice place along the White River to stay. Have any suggestions?”

  Brady Logan didn’t strike her as someone so clueless about how to use a library, but then you never knew. “There are a couple of popular resorts near Flippin, or you might consider—”

  “I’m more a B-and-B kinda guy.”

  “Well, in that case—” his eyes found hers, as if he anticipated her next words “—you might try the Edgewater Inn.” More to escape his scrutiny than anything, she made her way to the travel section. “Here.” She pulled out a directory of Arkansas bed-and-breakfasts. “You can read all about it.”

  He took the book, thumbing through it until he found the listing and an accompanying photograph. “This looks nice.”

  “It is.” Then she found herself telling him all about her stay there.

  “Sounds peaceful,” he finally said.

  “Very.” A poignant memory came to her of cathartic tears shed on a lazy September afternoon rocking on a wooden porch swing overlooking the blue river.

  He took her by the arm, then as if realizing he’d overstepped his bounds, he released his grip. “Thanks, Nell Porter. You’ve been most helpful.”

  She found it hard to swallow. “I’m glad.”

  Reggie Pettigrew bustled up alongside them. “Nell, your daughter’s on the phone.”

  A strange look—wistfulness? sadness?—shadowed Brady’s face before he seemed to reassemble his features. He nodded his understanding.

  “Excuse me,” she said, then started for her office.

  “Nell?”

  She turned around. He smiled, then winked. “Beware of dragons.”

  On the way to her office, she couldn’t explain the tingly feeling short-circuiting her body. She had the strangest sense that he’d been waiting for her. Any number of other librarians could have helped him.

  Oddly, instead of making her uncomfortable, the thought filled her with the kind of anticipation she hadn’t experienced in years. He was an extremely attractive man.

  Any such frivolous thoughts were shattered when she picked up the phone. “Mom.” Abby’s voice was a harsh whisper. “I hate it here. Do I hafta stay?”

  THAT AFTERNOON Brady explored the secluded neighborhoods clinging to the sides of the steep hills rimming Fayetteville, drove north on I-540, astonished at the amount of commercial development, then ended up at a marina on Beaver Lake, where moored boats of all kinds rocked with the gentle swells. As a businessman, he recognized he’d stumbled into an investor’s paradise in this burgeoning northwest corner of Arkansas. He left his car and walked across the boardwalk to the marina office where he rented a small pontoon boat for a couple of hours.

  Slowly edging past the buoys, he pushed the throttle forward and skimmed over the clear water, practically deserted except for a few die-hard fishermen. If this lake were in California, it would be wall-to-wall boats no matter what the day of the week or time of day. When he reached the middle of a secluded cove, he cut the motor—aware of the peaceful quality of the sudden silence.

  Finally he let his thoughts return to Nell. He had been ill-prepared for her effect on him. She was a natural with the ch
ildren and there was a kind of discomfiting synchronicity in her having selected Alexander and the Dragon to read. Nicole’s favorite bedtime story. He glanced skyward, willing away the involuntary spasm of grief.

  He forced himself to think about Nell again. When she’d approached him in the library, she had seemed skittish, her hands primly folded in front of her, her gray eyes wary. Her nose, dusted lightly with freckles, and her bare red-polished toes contributed to her overall sense of vulnerability. Yet she’d dared to confront him. Admittedly his observation of her had been rather obvious. When you’ve loved and lost, doubt replaces hope, insecurity replaces confidence and you wonder who you are.

  The boat bobbed in the wake of a passing jet ski. Was she still all by herself? He knew now she had a daughter. Despite her ringless fingers, was there a Mr. Porter?

  He devoutly hoped not.

  Since Brooke and Nicole had died, he had been unable to connect with anybody—not his friends, his neighbors or his colleagues. He thought of himself as a wraith. Improbable as it seemed, though, he wanted to connect with Nell Porter.

  Switching on the key, he started the motor and made his way back across the lake. By the time he reached the dock, he’d arrived at a decision.

  Tomorrow he would look for rental property in Fayetteville. He was staying. And Nell was the reason.

  NELL WAS REDECORATING the bulletin board in the children’s area with a back-to-school motif when she became aware of a presence behind her. She finished tacking up the book cover she was working on, then turned. Hands in his pockets, Brady Logan stood there smiling a killer smile, then shrugged as if in self-defense. “I’m back.”

  “Not the proverbial bad penny, I hope,” she said, attempting a nonchalance she was far from feeling.

  “No. I have a reason for being here.”

  She needed something to occupy her hands. Selecting another cover from the stack on the table, she said, “Anything I can help you with?”

  “I certainly hope so. I’d like you to have lunch with me.”

  She’d been fully prepared to direct him to the library’s fishing collection or to locate the latest issue of Field and Stream, but lunch? The thought filled her with mild panic. No man had asked her to lunch in a very long time and certainly no one who made her hormones react in such an unseemly fashion. “I beg your pardon?”

  He nodded his head. “You heard me right. Lunch. You know, where two people look at a menu, order and have polite conversation while they eat.”

  Smiling tentatively, she said, “I know what lunch is, but let’s face it, I have no idea who you are, really.”

  “That’s why I’m inviting you to lunch—to correct that deficiency.” Before she could offer further objections, he went on. “I’m new in town. I’m looking for someone to fill me in on the local scene. I figure a librarian is the perfect resource. This would be completely aboveboard.” He drew her to the window. “It’s broad daylight, pedestrians are everywhere. We could walk to the nearest restaurant, and if you decide I’m a threat, all you have to do is call for help.” He touched her lightly on the shoulder. “But I guarantee that won’t be necessary.”

  Nell fought the temptation induced by his honeyed voice and the pressure of his hand on her shoulder. Despite herself, she recalled her reaction to her mother’s challenge the other day. Peace and quiet—or fun? This could be fun. On the other hand… “I don’t think—”

  “Don’t think, just say ‘yes.’ You do have to eat, don’t you?”

  She made the mistake, then, of looking into his eyes where she found both humor and need. “I—I suppose I could—”

  “Great.” When he smiled down at her, she couldn’t summon a single objection. “I’ll wait over in the magazine section.”

  Then he left her. She studied the book cover in her hand, trying to think what she was doing with it. Flustered, she remembered and picked up a couple of tacks. She shook her head, wondering why in the world she’d agreed to such an improbable invitation.

  Perhaps the dragon had left the bedroom and now inhabited the library.

  AS THEY SAUNTERED along Dickson Street toward the restaurant, Brady kept feeding her questions about the town, the university, the local economy. As a native, she provided a wealth of information, but it was hard to concentrate. Her unruly hair shone in the sun, and he found amusing her self-contained way of letting him know this was purely a business appointment.

  “I like what I’ve seen and what I’m hearing. I’ve decided to stick around a while.”

  “Oh?”

  “This morning I lucked into a furnished condo. A professor leaving on sabbatical had his sub-leasing deal fall through last week. I was in the right place at the right time.”

  She laughed. “You certainly were. Housing is at a premium this time of year in a university town.”

  When they reached the brew pub restaurant, he ushered her toward a corner booth. “Hungry?”

  “Starving, actually.”

  “Good.” The waiter introduced himself while he set down their water glasses. Brady noticed Nell hadn’t looked at her menu. “You already know what you want?”

  “I always have the soup-and-sandwich special, but they have great burgers here.”

  “Okay. That’s settled.” He signaled the hovering waiter and placed their order. “Now, enough about Fayetteville. Tell me about Nell Porter.”

  “I have a better idea. You’re the stranger I’m having lunch with. What about you?”

  He mentally culled the details he could bring himself to share. “I grew up in Colorado. Left home at eighteen and went to work in the software industry in California, then started my own company, which, I’m happy to say, has done extremely well. I was married for fifteen years. One daughter. They, uh…” Damn. His throat was closing down.

  “Yes?”

  He swallowed, then managed to say, “They were both killed last year in a car accident.”

  He was unprepared for her hand to cover his, and even less prepared for the jolt of life it sparked. “I’m sorry.”

  He studied the TV mounted over the bar, then glanced out the window. “Yeah, well, these things happen.”

  “So what brings you to Arkansas?”

  For some reason, he trusted her with the truth. “I couldn’t take California any longer. Too much had changed. I’ve been on the road. Seeing what’s out here. Getting a new perspective.”

  “And?” Her eyes swam with compassion. Why was it welcome from her when it hadn’t been from anyone else? I have been so alone. Maybe because she knew.

  “I like it here. Besides, I needed to stop somewhere. I couldn’t go on running.” There. He’d said it.

  “Brady Logan, whatever it is you’re seeking, I hope you find it.”

  Looking at her, her thin shoulders hunched over the table, her reedlike neck revealing a pronounced pulse beat, he felt a welcome surge of hope. “Me, too.” He cleared his throat. “Now it’s your turn. Tell me about your daughter. And husband.”

  Brady noticed a shutter fall over Nell’s eyes. Just then the waiter appeared, set down their food and made a show of asking if everything was all right. Brady nodded. After her first tentative spoonful of the steaming soup, Nell answered Brady’s question, her attention fixed on her food. “There’s no husband. I’ve been divorced for six years. My daughter Abby is thirteen and—” finally she glanced up “—getting to that stage where parents are a ‘drag.’ I’ve been told adolescence is survivable, but I’m not so sure.” She grinned a wobbly grin.

  “You have family here?”

  “My father’s dead, but my mother still lives here, as do my sister and her family.”

  “Are you close?”

  “Very, but with all the baggage, too. Since the divorce, my mother and sister are overprotective of me, which I suppose is natural, even though it can be frustrating. But I couldn’t have managed without them.”

  “You’re lucky,” he said, aware of his faintly bitter tone. He hadn’t
seen his father or his younger brother since he left home, and so long as the old man was alive, he didn’t want to.

  “Your ex-husband? Is he still on the scene?”

  “He and his new wife live in Dallas. In fact, Abby’s visiting them this week.” Her deliberately neutral tone struck him as odd. She was holding something back. Some hurt.

  “Well, since you’re alone, what do you say we take in dinner and a movie? Tomorrow night?” He watched her eyes widen in surprise, then added, “That is if you think I’ve passed the test. I’m really quite harmless.” Well, that wasn’t exactly true. She’d be shocked if she knew she was his sole motive for remaining in Fayetteville.

  Then she smiled, and the stomach muscles that had been taut since he first saw her this morning relaxed. “I’d like that.” The faint pink of a blush colored her cheeks. “I’d like that very much.”

  Her pleasure touched a chord, reminding him that he needed to proceed slowly with her. She’d been hurt enough already. And, God knows, so had he.

  CHAPTER THREE

  NELL HAD RACED HOME from the library, taken a quick shower and now stood in her bra and panties surveying the limited selection in her closet. Dinner and a movie? It wasn’t a charity gala, for heaven’s sake. Something casual. Nice. She had essentially three choices. One of her unstylish librarian dresses, a two-year-old pair of linen slacks with a matching sweater sporting a small ineradicable stain or a black Mexican fiesta dress she’d bought on a whim for International Month at the library. Wardrobe purchases had been low on her list of priorities, well beneath orthodontia and graduate school tuition.

  Glancing at the clock, she stepped into a half slip, then selected the black dress and a pair of onyx and pearl earrings. When the doorbell rang, she slipped into her white sandals, spritzed some cologne in the general direction of her neck, ran a brush quickly through her still-damp hair and only then began to panic. Misgivings echoed in her mind. She didn’t even know this man. Why, he could be… She filled in the blank with a number of disturbing possibilities.